so much propz if you know what movie that’s from, my dear, sweet, non-existent readers.
if you haven’t guessed already, i went to the suburban phenomenon that is the local mall with my mom today. it was great, because i haven’t been shopping in forever and i’ve been sick and haven’t left my house in a few days and me and my mom got along great for once. but at the same time, it was absolutely tortuous because, like i said before, i haven’t been shopping in forever and OH YEAH i’m dead broke. and it’s well, a MALL, so there’s that too.
so why would i ever put myself through the herculean task of going to the mall without a cent to my name? well, i had to get shoes for my (catholic, traditional, all-girl) school’s graduation. as it turns out, piece o’ cake in theory, impossible in practice. seriously, CIA, listen up. screw that whole “waterboarding” thing. you want suspected terrorists to talk? give them the task of finding decent-looking, white shoes appropriate for june weather that fit my school’s dress code requirements and they’ll be singing like birds before you can even hit them with the “no sandals” rule.
i did come out of the whole debacle with a sick pair of zara banana heels (think white pebbled leather and triangle cutouts, vair nice) but make no mistake, i went certifiably insane in the process.
you see, i’ve had marc by marc jacobs on the brain lately because i’m begging my parents to get me a faridah bag as my graduation present and they are, GASP, considering it. so basically, i found myself in the shoe department, NO white shoes in sight, instead stroking a pair of miss marc flats cooing, “who loves you marcymarc? i do…mama does.” people were staring. it was bad. and then i proceeded to have a one-sided conversation with a bow haus necklace that went something along the lines of…”and what are you you big silly? are you a necklace? oh yes you are! you are a necklace! a very very cute necklace! oh let’s try you on. oooh you are very cool-looking. i wish i had money for you, you’re on sale! i’ll be back for you!”
so yeah, there’s that.
after that i obviously hit up urban outfitters as well because, let’s face it, they’re overpriced but they stock good shit for HiP tEEnz lykeee mahself. i didn’t do much shopping (see above) but i was endlessly entertained by the attitudes of the salespeople at my local uo. yeah, they (barely) dress the part in their buffalo plaid with their piercings and whatnot but their fake tans and dark roots do not tell lies. things like that manage to, quite ironically, show their true colors. and face it you high-maintenance salesfolk, the “underground” things you sell for minimum wage is mass-produced, when it comes down to it. you ain’t that cool, youz just a ho fo da man, sistah.
notice the congregation of suits in the right corner. what is that, a corporate retreat? point proven. ZOMG I AM SO EDGY.
lastly, i’d like to take a moment to honor a fallen brother. that’s right, j.crew is stocking my precious neon. and i mean, i’m not saying i’m gonna stop wearing it just because of this fact cause that’d be so completely adolescent of me but still, whenever i rock my neon pink bikini top under all of my clothes (which i do so frequently some might consider it worrisome) it WILL be in the back of my head that in some far-off, magical land better known as Connecticut, a soccer mom is the envy of all her stepford wife-y friends because she is rocking the cutting-edge “Patent Leather Headband” in the same color that she bought for $16.50.
at least liya enjoyed shooting the ad campaign. ah, small comforts.
hope you enjoyed my nonsensical, sleep-deprived but lyke TOTALLY ground-breaking, biting social commentary.
once again, I AM SO EDGY ZOMG.